I hate parties! 
I’m no doofus or anything. I run. I jump. I climb… But SOLO cups? Vapid chats? The noise!
Forget the fresh air! Revel in the stench of stale wine and vomit! 

“Excuse me…” 
Said a girl in a white dress. She looked like that actress… 
Oh, right! Hedy Lamarr!
“Hi, I'm Greg…” 
I reached for a handshake but she looked right through me.
“Would you mind?” 
Her near-empty cup clipped the trash bin and splashed my khakis.
I hate parties!

*** 

“I apologize for earlier…” 
Now she stood behind me in line to the bathroom. 
“I don’t feel quite myself. Jet lag from another dimension… ” 
“The worst kind!”, I said.
“I'm Flux, how do you do… Greg, is it?” 
We shook hands.
“Merciful Lord! Is someone snoozing in there?” 
The bathroom lock rattled… 
“Go ahead! I'm not desperate…”, I offered.
“How kind of you!” 
She went in and out quite quickly, looking different somehow. 
I was next.

*** 

The wine stains didn’t budge. I grabbed a cup.
Flux waved at me from the foyer. She wore a blue dress. 
“There you are, Greg!”
“Flux! I thought you’d left. Didn’t you just wear…”
“Let’s crash a real party! Do you know how to crash a party?”
She ambushed me with that one.
“Huh? How?”
“It's quite plain. Just walk in with purpose and say We’re with Dave…”
“Who’s Dave?”
“Exactly!” She squinted as if to find a brain cell between my ears. 
“Daves are everywhere. Finding one at random is most likely”, she explained. 
“Clever! I’m in!”, I said.
“Just give me one moment…”
She emerged from the bathroom wearing a green velvet dress. 
How many of these did she fit in that purse?, I thought. 

***
We crossed the street. The “real” party seemed like a parallel world. The guests were aloof. Not a single SOLO cup in sight. A DJ spun juicy beats.
Why can’t I get invited to one of those?, I thought.
“Let’s blend in, shall we?”, said Flux.
I looked down at my wine stained khakis.
***
“And you are?”, a thundering voice called out.
Flux elbowed me.
“Oh… We’re… with... Dave?” I said.
The bouncer made a slit throat gesture at the DJ. 
Everyone froze.
“My mistake sir, madam. This way, please…”
There were three men in the back room. One, in a trilby hat, sitting; the other two, standing.
“Dave’s associates…” the bouncer announced. 
The men stiffened up like meerkats. They glanced at my wine stained pants—and gulped.
“But… but… So soon? Dave said it’s still charging…”, Trilby stuttered.
I was paralyzed but Flux leaned over the table like a praying mantis.
“Don’t be droll…” She said, “Why do you think we’re here?”
Excellent question!, I thought.
She was good!
“Apologies…”, Trilby nodded towards the bouncer. 
One moment later I was handed a black tote bag. 
Cash? Drugs? 
Not heavy enough.
The air was dense with tension. As we struggled towards the exit a faint “Don’t mess with Dave” came out of my mouth while my arm did an awkward Choo Choo gesture. I just… felt obliged to contribute.

Trilby flinched. 
“Wait a minute!”
The bouncer grabbed Flux.

“RUN Greg!”, she cried out “Keep it safe!”

I swung the bag like a weapon, tacked off the wall, leaped up and slid through the window. Rooftops were the easy part.
What did I get myself into!
***
My phone rang early.
“I heard you got something of mine. Your lady friend here was quite cooperative but she might die if you aren’t!” said an odd voice.
“Who is this?”
“Make a guess!”
“Dave?”
“Very good! Now listen carefully…”
***
I unzipped the tote bag and took out a shapeless object. The way it reflected light didn’t make any sense. 
In its place I put a used printer cartridge. 
I checked the drop off coordinates.
***
“Got it?”, asked the thug.
“All intact!”, I lied.
He let go of Flux, jerked the bag out of my hand and threw it into the limo without even checking—a fortunate oversight. 
Flux was wearing a black top and blue jeans.
As soon as we turned the corner, I pummeled the gas pedal.
“What’s happening! Who are these people!” I glanced at the rear view mirror. “Shit!”
“Just drive! I will explain…” said Flux.
I made an abrupt turn and entered a one-way street. We lost them.
Now Flux wore a Barney and Friends sweater until it instantly blended into sushi pajamas and then a cheetah patterned leotard. I was too fried to care.
“Greg, I’m not from this world… Dave and I go way back…”
My blank stare prompted her to continue.
“We are shapeshifters but Dave got stuck…”
“Wait! What was that thing in the bag?”, I interrupted.
“A Vacuum…”
“A vacuum? Are you telling me all of this was for a vacuum?”
“Not a Roomba, silly! It’s a Vacuum Decay Trigger. If used in a certain way, it could make the Higgs field drop to its natural lower state. It would reset the matter and delete your world: SOLO cups, bathroom lines, vomit, all of it…”
“Wait! I don't even know what you really look like!”
I bit my lip. Way to change the subject, genius!
“Well, neither do I. You see, I don't have a ‘form’. I shift cyclically,” Flux explained.
“So… your current ‘look’ is just…”
“My choice…  I’ve always admired that inventor from the forties so…”
“You mean the actress?” 
I bit my lip again. 
“Why me though?”
“I know it sounds like a plot hole in a poorly written story but you’ve been carefully selected based on your unique skill set, your personality traits and proximity.”
“Huh…”
***
We used the fire escape staircase.
“It’s under my bed…”, I said.
The thought of having slept in one room with the doomsday device, made me queasy. 
Flux took it and uncovered a switch:
“This will put our worlds in order again. Thank you, Greg. It’s been…”
A sudden warp made me dizzy. 
The Vacuum Decay Trigger and Flux were gone.
***


I hold my SOLO cup like a trophy. I scan the room in search of a face that doesn’t belong.
I love parties.